I'm Back

I'm back from Boston. Got back last night, was completely exhausted. Unfortunately, I had to go to a birthday party for a friend of ours. I wasn't too much fun. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm kind of schizoid in terms of social life. Like this: I just spent about three days surrounded by 5,000 people. The only times I had alone were few, when I would go back to my room at night (late) and in the morning. But even that was weird, because it was in a hotel room, not my personal space, my comfort zone, surrounded with the things that make it my place. I got to see a whole lot of friends, but even that is a bit exhausting, because it's not like people you're around all the time. I felt the need to try a lot harder, if you know what I mean. So, I didn't get much sleep, and on top of that, I interacted a lot. I mean I like people and all, but I don't always find that being social recharges and energizes me. Instead, I feel the need to be silent and still, and alone in my head with something that reminds me of the different between me and the rest of the world. Maybe that's because I have a sense of self that is at once strong and weak. Strong in the sense that I manifest strongly, and weak in the sense that I have what may be a hyperrefined sense of the interpersonal. I manifest both as the me I know and as the me others remember and, especially, as the me that is most needed in the given situation. As a result, I think the boudaries between self/others/environment get sort of blurred and I need time to remind myself to act normally. It's draining. Does anyone know what I mean? Does this happen to you too?

The conference itself was fabulous. I loved Boston. Wouldn't mind living there if I had the money to do it (I don't). I managed to locate three or four potential publishers for my book. It's a lot easier for me to pitch my work than it was to pitch myself, like I did on the academic job search. It was fun to talk about the possibilities. Now I have to get some more stuff written, and then try to get a proposal and three or four chapters together.

I met a lot of new people there, particularly people who are working on some of the theoretical stuff I'm interested in. I'm a big fan of Kenneth Burke, an American scholar whose project was, more or less, to reconcile Marx and Freud. That is, to try to figure out a way to make the environment (material conditions of life, of production, etc.) and the mind (the conscious, unconscious, etc.) key elements of describing human cognition, intellect, subjectivity, action, motivation, etc. Hard to read, but ultimately worth it. I went to the KB interest group business meeting, met some folks, and volunteered myself to review papers for next year's NCA in San Antonio. They seem very cool.

I also had a chance to hang out with some old friends. That was the best. I've been in the academic game for about ten years now (since I started grad school) and it's cool to see how, over the long term, people get work done (or don't), find happiness in work and relationships (0r don't) and more or less to see how cool and weird their (and your) lives are. It really makes me think a lot about advising undergraduates. A lot of people at that stage think in terms of jobs and careers. I try to tell them that it's hard to plan life that way. You start off toward the goal, but you ultimately don't have much control over the specific outcome. Instead, to get a little Zen here, one should live in the moment, enjoy and work on a good process of living, and then find themselves in a good place, even if it's not quite what you expected. It's hard to tell that to people who've been told all of their lives that they are in control, that they can plan, that they are accountable for what happens. It's not that simple. It never is.

So, no big things to report beyond that. For those of you who have been following me, I have a request: Help me write my book. I would like to get a list of you who are willing to talk about school, learning, boredom, happiness, guilt, excitement, etc., in learning. I want to talk about how you manifest yourselves through intellectual and practical pursuits, work, play and life. The only thing is you have to be eighteen or older. I'd love to be able to talk to everyone, but it's hard to get that kind of research proposal through an institutional review board. You need parental permission, and so forth. Hard to do with your "virtual friends," no?

Let me know if you are interested.